Two

what the freaking hell?!?!?!?! i stay after today for math freakin' help and no one is there! now i'm stuck with two annoying girls who think i'm their friend... i guess that was mean. -sorry- well not really.
now i'm trying to teach myself math i don't even get! GRRRR.... i played frisbee with Best today. i noticed i get super agressive when i play. the reason for that is because everyone (well maybe just Best) is always getting the frisbee before me. everytime i get it end up falling or something. at one point we both fell over each other. i'm not the one to push people out of my way (but Best doesn't seem to mind) so i end up waiting for someone to throw the frisbee terribly.
yesterday i googled 'how to know if a buy likes you' (yes i am that desperate) and i found out that Best may more or less like me. i actually really like Best the only problem i see is that if we did go out our relationship won't be that serious. i don't take Best as the most serious, enthusiastic, compassionate boyfriend in the entire world. but i can go for second best. heehee best...
huh, wierd, i stated blogging really angrily now i'm super relaxed.

#1

why do we love? is it so we don't have to face the world alone? why do we touch? is it to comfort us or the other person? we do even have motion if all we get is hurt? my life is full of disappointments. some days are up and then some are down. i don't get it. my world is changing but i still want to be that little girl who played with barbies all day. i wish i wasn't afraid of what other people think. i want childhood back again. i miss hating boys. i miss when they had cooties. i miss not having to worry about what i wore. i miss not having to compete over grades. i hate being called dumb. i know i'm not and i try and try and i feel like what ever i do doesn't get me any further. i watch my parents fight everyday. it's over little things too. so what is love? what keeps them together even though i know they can't stand each other? i don't want to be the reason why they just grin and bare it. why did they even get married? if they were problems in the beginning why would they want to tie the knot? i think they were more in love with the idea of loving each other rather than the person them self. should we believe in something we can't see or touch? should we take a chance with love with the chance of being smacked down? being hurt.
over the summer i was chatting with Dan on the computer. Dan was the boy who went with me to the 8th grade dance. i thought we would be going out in high school. he's in two of my classes and one time we were even partners in world civ. he couldn't even make eye contact with me. what did i do? is it me, is it him? is there even anyone to blame? i think deep down inside i knew he wasn't going to end up my boyfriend but i always crossed my fingers. now i give up. should i?

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