Two

what the freaking hell?!?!?!?! i stay after today for math freakin' help and no one is there! now i'm stuck with two annoying girls who think i'm their friend... i guess that was mean. -sorry- well not really.
now i'm trying to teach myself math i don't even get! GRRRR.... i played frisbee with Best today. i noticed i get super agressive when i play. the reason for that is because everyone (well maybe just Best) is always getting the frisbee before me. everytime i get it end up falling or something. at one point we both fell over each other. i'm not the one to push people out of my way (but Best doesn't seem to mind) so i end up waiting for someone to throw the frisbee terribly.
yesterday i googled 'how to know if a buy likes you' (yes i am that desperate) and i found out that Best may more or less like me. i actually really like Best the only problem i see is that if we did go out our relationship won't be that serious. i don't take Best as the most serious, enthusiastic, compassionate boyfriend in the entire world. but i can go for second best. heehee best...
huh, wierd, i stated blogging really angrily now i'm super relaxed.

#1

why do we love? is it so we don't have to face the world alone? why do we touch? is it to comfort us or the other person? we do even have motion if all we get is hurt? my life is full of disappointments. some days are up and then some are down. i don't get it. my world is changing but i still want to be that little girl who played with barbies all day. i wish i wasn't afraid of what other people think. i want childhood back again. i miss hating boys. i miss when they had cooties. i miss not having to worry about what i wore. i miss not having to compete over grades. i hate being called dumb. i know i'm not and i try and try and i feel like what ever i do doesn't get me any further. i watch my parents fight everyday. it's over little things too. so what is love? what keeps them together even though i know they can't stand each other? i don't want to be the reason why they just grin and bare it. why did they even get married? if they were problems in the beginning why would they want to tie the knot? i think they were more in love with the idea of loving each other rather than the person them self. should we believe in something we can't see or touch? should we take a chance with love with the chance of being smacked down? being hurt.
over the summer i was chatting with Dan on the computer. Dan was the boy who went with me to the 8th grade dance. i thought we would be going out in high school. he's in two of my classes and one time we were even partners in world civ. he couldn't even make eye contact with me. what did i do? is it me, is it him? is there even anyone to blame? i think deep down inside i knew he wasn't going to end up my boyfriend but i always crossed my fingers. now i give up. should i?

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hello hello!
it's been a long time. i have a lot of catching up to do.
Let me first begin with my vacation to Florida. It was great! Although all we did was repeat everything. We go to the beach, we go to the pool. Beach, pool, beach, pool. Blah blah blah. The only time we got out of the cycle was when we went to the Marine Science Center. wow. that was fun… we looked at injured birds and sea turtles. Fun. Mom got all her pictures. You get bored after a couple days. We stayed there over a month. Don’t get me wrong I love the beach but my hair gets fried. And my mom’s grace shampoo does nothing. By the time I came back home my hair was like straw.
The best day was the last day where I woke up way too early and went to the beach to watch a sunrise. There was this park ranger guy who told us that later around 8:00 a lady would come around and dig up a turtle next. So we stayed until we found her and walked to a nest and she started digging. It was empty there were a few still fertile eggs but the rest already hatched. It was a fun, truly, fun. The lady gave me the job to take pictures with her $200 Olympic camera.
Speaking of cameras does anyone have any good digital cameras? Mine sadly died, it didn’t even last a year. Y_Y
Went to the high school orientation in mid august. Just when the teachers were about to dismiss us, my sister goes “I have to use the bathroom.” I wanted to kill her. I got voted to take her there. Then spent forever in there. My sister is a germ freak! So she puts TP on the brim of the toilet and it starts falling off. Then she starts complaining to me about it. I yell at her just to squat above the seat and piss already. She finally goes. And we run back just before it is time to leave.
I have lunch at 10:30. what the heck?! Well maybe it won’t be that bad. I will be waking up at six. 10:30 isn’t a lunch; it’s a brunch.
Clubs I will be joining are: Chinese cultural dance club, Color Guard, stage crew and I will give student Government a try. I’m trying to break out of the shyness and become a fun social butterfly.
I have practically no new clothes. I grew out of most of the better outfits. So all I have are tee-shirts. Tee-freakin’-shirts!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have the best pants, shoes, long-sleeved shirts, sweaters and jackets. But no short sleeved shirts. The ones that I do like are not appropriate for school.

What ever.